


Why Neville Don't do Potions

by Akina45



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Harry is a bit... nutter, Hogwarts First Year, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am not good at grammar, I wish there was an archive warning for cracks, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Multi, Neville is not good at potions, Rating May Change, Voldemort appears in random places, Voldemort resurrection happens a little bit early, be warned, but I'm trying my best, but he's trying his best, like at, read the summary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 12:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13411398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akina45/pseuds/Akina45
Summary: Neville Longbottom, the most baffled student of subject that is called ‘First Year Potions.’ It’s not really a rare sight to see his cauldron explode, emitting smog, or produce living abominable. But, today he’s going for the jackpot. Today He has reached his greatest achievement as of now.I mean truly, it is not every day you add some random bones that you found in the ingredients storage, add also some of the puce colored liquid that he found on the teacher’s table, and it’s not his fault that a knife that’s covered in Harry’s blood (as he accidentally cut himself) suddenly fell into his Cauldron—this class is like a battlefield sometimes with the potions random potion ingredients and stuff flying around the room—It was not even what he meant to put in his Potion.Then he just gave the potion a little spin and…POOF!!…A Dark Lord appeared.And all that Neville can do was to wonder whether this will give him extra credits, or a detention.





	Why Neville Don't do Potions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, well this is my first fic, and after many observation to the world of fic writing, I have decided to try to write something.  
> Though...  
> What the hell did i just write? god help my cracks-loving soul, but why did i write this? Well i just hope to anyone willing to read this you will stick with me to the end for this Crack-tastic Adventure in the Harry Potter Fandom. And i'm sorry. just sorry.  
> a high chance for possible bad grammar (have no beta read, bad at structured grammar)
> 
> Update 3/15/2018:  
> Well I edited the chapter a lot, it's like a changed chapter, haha...  
> I think this Chapter looks better, somehow.  
> still covering my bases.
> 
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling.

It was a bright and sunny day in Hogwarts, no clouds are in sight and the sunrays are shining cheerily from above. But, however bright the Sun illuminate the insides of the castle. No sunlight has ever reached the walls and the halls, the floor and the doors, of Hogwarts’s most famous dungeons. The dungeon of the Magical School is dark, damp, and cold. Most students and staff prefer to avoid this area of the magical Castle. Though because The Slytherin Dorms are located in these cobbled wall, the place is not desolate of human presence.

The dungeons also contain The Potion Lab, a room in which students who study Potions reside. In here one Potion Master is his class. In this class reside one Neville Longbottom, the most baffled student of subject that is called ‘First Year Potions.

Now about Neville and the subject that is called ‘Potions’. Potions is a compulsory subject in Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry from first to fifth year. The subject requires the student to be able to divide their focus on multiple ingredients and requirements required to create a potion. With this the student must also remember the method of creating the potions in detail. With every potion come different methods to create one.

Neville is a confused individual for most of his live. An orphan who lived with his strict and stiff grandmother. Which resulted in his cowardly and trembling demeanor. Wanting to follow in his parent’s footstep, he wishes to enter Gryffindor the houses of those who are brave. He manages to enter the house of Gryffindor, and he manage to make a home in the Lions den, somehow. He is Forgetful and sloppy, and also quite clumsy. That is Neville Longbottom.

Neville and the subject that is Potions does not mix well. Forgetting to remember how to make a potion, sloppy on the careful treatment of ingredients, and a profound fear of the Professor of the subject…

Well, let’s just say kindly that Neville is not good at potions.

So. It’s not really a rare sight to see Neville’s cauldron explode, emitting smog, or produce living abominable. However, today he’s going for the jackpot. Today, He has reached his greatest achievement as of now.

I mean truly, it is not every day you add some random bones that you found in the ingredients storage. Add also some of the puce colored liquid that he found on the teacher’s table, and it’s not his fault that a knife that’s covered in Harry’s blood suddenly fell into his Cauldron. He did not mean to put any of the ingredients—are they even this first-year potion ingredients? —to his Potion. Which is supposed to be a boil cure Potion.

Well, let and let live.

Then Neville gave his potion a little spin and…

POOF!!

…A Dark Lord appeared.

And all that Neville can do was to wonder whether this will give him extra credits, or a detention.

\-------------------------------------------

It was a bad day for the Potion Master and Teacher of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and wizardry, namely Severus Snape. Right now, he was teaching potions for the joined class of first year Slytherins and Gryffindors. Gryffindors and Slytherins is the most horrific combination to have in the same room. Especially in a classroom, in a potions classroom.

The rivalries between those Gryffindors and Slytherins are classic and the worst of all for houses. Especially if we include the poster boy of said houses, Mr. Potter’s and Mr. Malfoy’s, personal resentment of each other.

So of course, some dunderheads have to try to throw ingredients to someone from the rivalling house’s cauldrons, in hope to sabotage the other house’s points. There’s also the students who makes mistakes themselves that can potentially endanger the whole class. A wrong sequence or combination of ingredients can make a potion explode or produce uncanny odor, at best.

This is why one Severus Snape cannot get a break from all of the mess that is first period double Potion class for first year Griffindors and Syltherins.

An exploding cauldron from Mr. Finnigan’s table? Typical.

Whispers from the almost sentient being coming from the empty-headed Mr. Weasley’s cauldron? Another creature creation accident? Snape just sigh.

The Dark lord Voldemort rising from the depths of hell with his familiar snake in his hold from Mr. Longbottom’s cauldron? Normal occurrences in a normal day—wait what!?

\-------------------------------------------

On the contrary to his Potions teacher’s day, Harry potter is having a great day. He woke up feeling great, ready for the day. The breakfast at the great hall this morning was all of his favourite food and desserts. He had morning practice with the Griffindors in the Quiditch pit this morning—which is a rare occurrence, since The Pit tends to be hijacked by the Slytherins for their morning practice—and what else can cheer up Harry Potter the most other than flying? So, it was a good start for a good day.

Today nothing will ever deter the boy’s mood, he felt unbeatable and hyped.

Maybe it was the because of this that made Harry did it, or maybe it was the adrenaline that came from the panic of an ordinary Magical world citizen when they see a Dark Lord rising. Whatever it was, maybe he shouldn’t be the first person to greet the newly resurrected Dark Lord that have risen from Neville’s surprisingly large cauldron.

Especially when he so energized, explosive, and… unstable…

which makes Harry more reckless, and more impulsive, and just a little bit nutter.

But, eh, what’s the worst that can happen?

\-------------------------------------------

The day was slowly regressing for The Strongest Dark Lord in Magical World Lord Voldemort. Although, it can be argued that all days are bad days for the specter that he has become since that fateful night at Godric Hollow.

The day started good enough. He was floating around as an incorporeal form of himself, being nowhere yet also somewhere, peacefully planning world domination. Minding his own business.

But, he then feels a pull, a very strong pull that he cannot fight. Then come the Feeling of being drowned in a darkness he doesn’t know. Then finally he become lucid in a classroom full of children and one of his own Death Eater teaching said children.

He then realizes he can breathe. He Feels his arms and legs corporeal, real, Moving.

Yet he knows he was not fully human.

It came to him that he was resurrected inside a cauldron using one of the ritual that he might do if he didn’t manage to retrieve—steal—the philosopher stone. The ritual that Use the bone of his father, who shall resurrect his son. The blood the servant, presumably that was Severus Snape blood, somehow. The blood of his enemy… wait, why is there something sharp poking his thighs?

Well, No matter, let’s not focus on the details. He is now Alive, back, and kicking.

_That is good._

But then the menace that is his mortal enemy, Harry Potter, is also present in said class. Looking at him with awed eyes.

_That is not good._

The fact that his mortal enemy was the first one to utter a single sound after his resurrection—Not his death eater, his faithful follower. That was just standing there, watching him with slacked jaw and wide eyes—Does not help the situation.

“Good morning.” Harry greeted the Dark Lord with a loud and clear voice. Everyone snapped their heads toward him with speed nearing the speed of light, wanting to see who dared to become the first person to speak with the feared You-Know-Who. Finding Harry Potter who is projecting a cheerful and energetic atmosphere, is not what they expected.

“Good morning.” Voldemort surprisingly answers—Of course, he’s going to answer. It is not polite to not return a greeting, even to one’s enemies. “Harry Potter.” Voldemort then continued, saying the name of boy with an airy and breathy voice. He was glaring at the boy, and of course he would. Who wouldn’t also be glaring daggers at someone who is the cause of their death?

The whole classroom flinched when they heard Harry’s name pronounced by You-Know-Who. The sound was eerie and borderline creepy. It sounded like a hybrid of the snake tongue and human words. It does not sound pleasant while saying the name the eleven years old boy.

But then Harry Smiled at the feared Dark Lord.

It was as if Harry did not recognize the hateful gaze from his interlocutor and worry from his friends—and the hysterics one indebted professor. He smiles as if happy that the Dark Lord answers his greeting, as if happy that his name was called by the one who killed his parents. The whole classroom was frozen, blinded by the purity and absurdity of the existence of that smile in this situation. In a situation in which a full living breathing person just come out of someone’s cauldron.

(Oh, and one certain Dark Lord was frozen solid due to the smile that was given to him. Though he won’t admit it.)

Harry opened his mouth to say something, something else stupid Hermione thought while standing next to Harry. With the swift movement of her hand Hermione covered Harry’s mouth, in an attempt to stop him from saying something he will regret later. Smart little Hermione succeed. Yet, with her success comes a stillness in the room. Everyone makes no movement, and Silence fell. No one dared speaks a word. That is until one Severus Snape, with all the obscurity that is this situation, cracked.

“Mr. Longbottom,” Snape called. His voice was like steel, hard and cold. Neville looks at him immediately, face nervous and scared. Then Snape continued.

“Why?”

It was said so simply, it was said with such a resigned tone. The most intimidating professor of Hogwarts looked so resigned and tired. Which is an odd look to have on his face, with said face looking like resigned old man that has seen and experienced too much.

From the outside, Snape looked normal—He looked as normal as it could be when a Dark Lord has arisen from the death inside Neville cauldron. But Inside? Panic were clawing at his guts. The situation that has presented itself, has changed the status quo of the Wizarding world. The boy that needed a Remembrall to remember his to wear his own robes has threatened the peace of the Wizarding world.

A second Wizarding war is right in front of their doorstep now, thanks to the lovely Mr. Longbottom.

Why couldn’t that boy just be stupid elsewhere? Why couldn’t that boy resurrect the Dark Lord not on his Potion class? Why is the most pampered and loved boy in Hogwarts is greeting the resurrected Dark Lord?

_Why?_

“Because he’s good!” a voice suddenly exclaimed, Harry Potter suddenly exclaimed. He has managed to maneuver Hermione hands from his mouth and cutting Snape line of thoughts with his exclamation.

Seeing confused faces directed at him. Harry started speaking, reluctantly.

“Well—what I mean is. It might be that’s Neville’s potion making skill is too good that he has successfully done what many of Voldemort minions and Voldemort himself can’t. Like you know, resurrect Voldemort.” Harry explained, feeling content that he has given his insight.

Several things happen after Harry’s words dissipates into the air.

Severus Snape was glaring at the boy. Being interrupted was not something Snape liked, even if it was his thoughts that was interrupted. He then doubled his effort in glaring the stupid Gryffindor boy after he recognize unneeded insult at his potion making skill, and his Dark Lord resurrecting skill as an evil Minion.

Hermione looked like she has just failed her one duty, which is stopping Harry from saying something that will get him killed. Her face was hard as a diamond, as she is trying to retain her pride by looking strong and prideful.

Ron’s Cauldron produced a slime monster that mumbles about being born and how he didn’t choose to be alive. Then It promptly leave the classroom after a long speech about being born out of a dirty cauldron.

Neville fainted. Because he’s Neville, and because he has just received high praise that should not come from Harry Potter.

And the gazes of the other occupants of the now turning very ridiculous Potion class is on Harry again. Burning with gazes with varying degrees of disbelief at the situation that has presented itself.

At ten in the morning.

It’s too early for this, really.

Surrounded by the inner turmoil of others, Harry just smiled sweetly. As if he didn’t just insult the dark Lord and His minions by comparing them to… Neville Longbottom.

Harry then looked at the form of Voldemort, that looks comfortable submerged in Neville's Cauldron. His face looks patronizing, as he asked the Dark Lord Voldemort a question.

“You do know you are naked right?” Dear sweet Harry asked, to a Dark Lord, a Naked Dark Lord.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, yes, that't it... for chapter One. Thanks for reading, i hope you like it, and if you don't please tell me why and how i could improve in constructive criticism. 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> P.S. in this universe, Voldemort did not try to steal the Philosopher stone by possessing Professor Quirrel. I Have some other plan for him, maybe. He's still the DADA Teacher though.


End file.
